American (western?) attitudes

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Posted by Anon on October 29, 1999 at 17:49:38:

In Reply to: Henna for happy occasions posted by Jewel on October 29, 1999 at 02:08:35:

: In Asia, henna is mainly used to celebrate happy occasions -
:[...] a woman whose husband has just died is not
: allowed to wear henna (or other fanciful colours for that matter).
: She's supposed to look plain, dull and sombre to reflect her
mourning.

As the first stage, yes. Maybe Americans are unromantic, or more
practical, or maybe we just get dumped more often, but I've usually
seen a progression: At first, the mind is not on outer appearance,
person goes to seed (corresponds to a no-henna stage). Later, though,
the appearance gets a serious change - haircut is the most typical,
but change of clothes, glasses, facial hair on men, etc. - as if to
say "I've left the broken person behind; I am renewed." I don't
know if that's common in other cultures, but it seems very common
around me. Anyway, the second stage attitude seems very much in the
tradition of henna, even if the outer circumstances match a no-henna
situation.

Also, we seem to deal with extreme grief differently. Mourning in
many places is a time to put off worldly things, including decorations
of all kinds. I see the traditional white of mourning as part of this
- fabric without decoration, rather than the color white as the first
significance. (Black was also a way of removing decoration, I think.)
But we don't do very much of this anymore, except for perhaps a very
short time of wearing black, or a black armband, or a flag at
half-staff (which isn't exactly personal). Most people don't wear
torn clothes or otherwise mark themselves as wounded. It wouldn't
feel right to me to use henna as defacement this way.

However, the grief henna and the hope henna seem to me more a form of
healing, bonding, celebrating the joy of the life that had passed (as
opposed to marking the pain of the passing), a focusing on the
positive, even if in a solemn (rather than celebratory) manner.
Emotionally, this seems right in line with traditional uses of henna,
even if, again, the outer circumstances don't match well.

Do others have similar or opposite emotional reactions?

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: : In Asia, henna is mainly used to celebrate happy occasions - : :[...] a woman whose husband has just died is not : : allowed to wear henna (or other fanciful colours for that matter). : : She's supposed to look plain, dull and sombre to reflect her : mourning. : As the first stage, yes. Maybe Americans are unromantic, or more : practical, or maybe we just get dumped more often, but I've usually : seen a progression: At first, the mind is not on outer appearance, : person goes to seed (corresponds to a no-henna stage). Later, though, : the appearance gets a serious change - haircut is the most typical, : but change of clothes, glasses, facial hair on men, etc. - as if to : say "I've left the broken person behind; I am renewed." I don't : know if that's common in other cultures, but it seems very common : around me. Anyway, the second stage attitude seems very much in the : tradition of henna, even if the outer circumstances match a no-henna : situation. : Also, we seem to deal with extreme grief differently. Mourning in : many places is a time to put off worldly things, including decorations : of all kinds. I see the traditional white of mourning as part of this : - fabric without decoration, rather than the color white as the first : significance. (Black was also a way of removing decoration, I think.) : But we don't do very much of this anymore, except for perhaps a very : short time of wearing black, or a black armband, or a flag at : half-staff (which isn't exactly personal). Most people don't wear : torn clothes or otherwise mark themselves as wounded. It wouldn't : feel right to me to use henna as defacement this way. : However, the grief henna and the hope henna seem to me more a form of : healing, bonding, celebrating the joy of the life that had passed (as : opposed to marking the pain of the passing), a focusing on the : positive, even if in a solemn (rather than celebratory) manner. : Emotionally, this seems right in line with traditional uses of henna, : even if, again, the outer circumstances don't match well. : Do others have similar or opposite emotional reactions?

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