I'd love some advice on this...

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Posted by Alissa on May 23, 2002 at 16:09:58:

This week I had a henna appt. call me up, and it's a Muslim woman who
wanted to have a home appointment (she wanted her feet done, and
didn't want to drive/couldn't bare her feet in public, etc).

I of course say sure, not a problem. I've been doing about 15% of my
business as home appointments for the past year, this averages into
maybe one a month or 2.

This is where the trouble starts.

My husband, who incidentally was not exactly supportive of me
starting my mehndi biz but "humors" it, went through the roof last
night when I left him the name, address and number of where I would

He *didn't* realize that I have done a good handful of home
appointments in the past year, even though I always gave him this
sort of information before leaving (just in case). He thought I was
ALWAYS meeting people in public places over the past year, except for
2 appointments which he could remember (one of which was a night of
henna that was sevearl hours from our home).

His view: you don't know these people, and you're going into their
home = dangerous. Some of them just looked you up on the internet, or
whatever. You don't know them! Bad, Bad, Bad!! In his mind, there is
absolutely no way this could EVER be a good idea -- no matter what I
try to say.

This is leading into a very big discussion between us, and I can't
seem to get him to understand that while there IS a risk inherent in
doing so, it's also part of being a henna artist. Artists in other
countries routinely visit people's home to do their henna (doesn't
matter, that's elsewhere not here). Artists in our country routinely
visit homes for appointments (still doesn't make it a good practice).

It doesn't matter that I take every precaution, such as giving him
the relevant info as to where I'm going, and that I will give him a
call once I'm on the way home again. It doesn't matter that I've
turned down some home appointments b/c something about the vibe of
the conversation seemed "off" and sent a red flag up inside me and I
thought to myself, I don't want to be alone with this particular

It doesn't matter that I don't have a studio, and don't intend to get
one. In his eyes, this going to people's homes is just DANGER DANGER
and I am either a fool for not realizing it, or being incredibly
naive, or both. Each time that I have a home appt. and *nothing*
happens doesn't strengthen my argument, it just means I somehow
averted disaster.

I am really torn up on this -- if it comes down to a stand off of
wills, it's going to be telling my husband that he can't tell me
where to go, and how to run my business. That is sooooo seriously not
how we have our relationship, it would become a bone of contention
for as long as I remain a professional henna artist (ideally a long
time). So, not a happy prospect.

In fairness, his view is that he is loving me and wanting me safe ...
not trying to tell me what I can or can't do. But that leaves NO room
for him to even consider that home appointments aren't me walking
into a lion's den each and every time.

I just don't know what to say that I haven't already... I know the
helpful suggestions people are about to post like "Include him in on
an appointment," and such just aren't workable (neither in his
interest nor the opportunity, someone has to stay home and watch the
baby after all).

Maybe I just needed to share this with my fellow artists friends....
I don't know that anyone can give me a solution on this, but I'm
wondering if I have the only overprotective, paranoid spouse on the

Incidentally, I had a great appointment last night. The Muslim woman
had a friend over and they both got full feet/ankles, and palms/hands
done! It was wayyyyy lucrative, it was fun, and nobody got hurt or
was in danger. For 2 hours I painted like a mad woman and left happy.
But came home to ... unhappy and free-floating guilty feelings. See
what I mean?


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