Very interesting question

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Posted by Kenzi on May 23, 2002 at 18:25:04:

In reply to: I'd love some advice on this... posted by Alissa on May 23, 2002 at 16:09:58:

You are right, this is a very thorny situation and one which has no
clear solution that leaves both of you happy.

I agree with Maureen in the sense that there is opportunity for
danger when you are on someone else's turf and that there are
many people out there who have been traumatized in such

That said, I must also say that I believe that danger CAN be
anywhere; it can be on the road going to your appointment, it can
be getting to your car, it can be in your own home, at work, in the
grocery store, etc. We don't have much to protect us in all of
these situations and we can avoid them all. We avoid obvious
ones like dangerous neighborhoods at night, war-torn countries
etc. and also other people's homes. In the end the only
protection you can rely on is your own instinct about the situation.
You said yourself that you perceived some situations as having a
bad vibe and avoided them. It is this sense that is your best
protection and it sounds like you know when to listen to it.

I can understand your husband's position because he is not
inside your brain feeling those instincts kick in. It's like when you
are driving with someone, say, in the rain or at high speed and
their driving makes you nervous. This is not necessarily
because they are bad drivers or are out of control but just
because you are not in control and can't sense the wheel in your
hand and how the brakes are indeed grabbing on the wet road
etc. It is hard for the person on the outside to have faith in you.

You are a young mother; I am not, so i can't speak from
experience, but I do have a strong recollection of leaving home to
live on my own. My parents tried to teach me to fend for myself
and then at a certain point had to let me go and do it all myself. It
must be hell for parents to let go like that; this may be what your
husband is experiencing. Some people feel it more intensely
than others.

I also do a lot of house calls; probably 75% of my private
appointments are house calls. My husband doesn't say boo
about any of it because he's just not a worrying and figures I can
handle things. That said, one of the best safeguards is
numbers. I often bring my assistant along with me on
appointments, especially parties. She is there to help me with
lemon sugar, aftercare instructions etc. but also for moral
support. I never really thought of the safety she imparts just by
being there and bringing our numbers up to two. You might want
to get a friend to help you out in exchange for free henna, an
hourly rate or a percentage of your fee.

I live in NYC where we currently are hearing vague warnings of
suicide bombings at landmarks and tall buildings. I am very
jumpy and nervous having gone through 9/11 at close proximity
but I still have to live; I have to leave the house, I have to see
friends, go to concerts, work (in a very very tall building), eat in
restaurants etc. We cannot live in a cave or bomb-shelter for fear
of what could happen. We must have faith that we can handle
what life has in store for us and strenghten ourselves to deal
with things.

I hope we all gave you some help if only to know that we are out
here listening to you and sympathizing with you. Let us know
how the conversation progresses and what
realizations/solutions you and your husband come up with.
Good luck and happy hennaing!


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