Out of courtesy, a reply. please read

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Posted by Anne Beltestad on May 30, 2002 at 01:00:37:

In reply to: Hmmmmm...you have taken this very personally... posted by Maureen on May 30, 2002 at 00:08:41:

Maureen, and all,

I originally objected to the condescending tone in your initial
response to my post.
I then objected to your insistence that I was limiting the henna
experience of my clients based on their skin tone. The implication
was that I was racist if i told people henna does not work well on the
torso. That's what I call "pulling the race card" - bringing race
into a place where it is of tangential importance at best.
Next I took issue with your seeming inability to read carefully -
"Axe-grinding racist...lol..." - you are putting words into my mouth
which were never there.
I have a problem with you telling other people (and me by inference,
although again I recognize this is my opinion) that "they'll
understand when they get to be my age" (paraphrasing). You have no
idea how old any of us are, for all you know I'm 87, 13, 56, 29, 38, a
million years old, but does age really bring wisdom? Sadly, no. So
why call on your advanced age in trying to win an argument?
I brought up your products because I was trying to prove a point. I
have noted in the past that you sell something I find problematic for
my desire to promote natural henna. However I have not brought it up;
why bother? We're all grownups here. My point was that we could all
take issue with minor things about each other, without having met in
person, and start discussions that only serve to create bad blood.
The point is I have NEVER raised that, until today when I was
understandably angry, to prove this very point.
Actually I don't think I'm promoting your products for you, but if it
helps you be a happier person, then that's fine.
Yes, I am upset, because I thought people here were capable of
communicating without namecalling or condescension. I take great
issue with people thinking I'm racist, or uninformed, inexperienced,
but most of all with my words being consistently and repeatedly
misunderstood and misquoted. Your insistence that I called you an
"axe-grinding racist" really worries me.
Your inability to hear what I've been trying to say troubles me
immeasurably, because it reflects badly on my own personal ability to
communicate. Others have communicated to me that my original post was
thoughtful and interesting, but if it failed to seem so to you, then
it failed in its job.
I don't want to feel afraid to share my feelings regarding henna on
this forum. But your reply has succeeded in doing just that.
I am going through an unbelievably hard time in my life right now, and
henna has been one of the things which keeps me going and keeps my
head above water. That was meant to be the tone, the theme, of my
initial posting regarding my weekend at Dance Africa; namely, that
being surrounded by so many amazing women, who were so interested in
and informed about the art I love, helped me out of a suicidal depression.
The community that this forum provides has done amazing things for me.
Unfortunately, your tone has soured that.
Yes, I am upset, I am far away from my family and my dear friends, and
am trying to do things which are life-affirming, which get me out of
the house and out of my head. I can barely stand life in New York. I
am profoundly lonely. So excuse me if I am upset, because being
attacked, being told that I'm not on an "expedition," really hits hard
for someone who is on perhaps the most difficult "expedition" of her
life, who is dealing with severe trauma and grief, and who wrestles
every day with homesickness and depression.
Needless to say, I am not going to be hanging around this forum for a
Have fun, everyone, and best of luck in all you do.


: you appear to be and probably recognize if you think that I owe you
: and apology for posting my opinion. You may feel under attack here.
: But my comments are and have been about your comments. Not about
: you...Anne, the person! Everyone is hopefully more than any one
: comment they make. I have never implied that your comment reflects
: the totality of you. Just have said that your comments can be
: interpreted in a certain way. And that if you did not see the
: problem inherent in your comment that some research may be in order.
: I don't owe you an apology for stating the truth.
: I thought before this began and still do that you are probably a very
: nice and good person. But believing and thinking that about you does
: not change my opinion of your comment. Just as my opinion about your
: comment does not change what I think and believe about who you are.
: When people talk about taking personal responsibility, that applies
: to taking personal responsibility for what you feel and think and
: write. I have. And know that no apology is in order. At least not
: from this direction. I have withstood this "group" attack, being
: labelled as an axe grinding racist (which I still find funny) and now
: an axe grinding racist selling (possibly) poisonous products to the
: masses or at a minimum perpetuating misconceptions about henna within
: the masses. If I am not asking "you" for an apology, then none
: should be requested.
: The way I see it, you expressed your opinion. I don't happen to
: agree with you and your opinion about me and my products. Because I
: know better. I know who I am, what I am doing when posting here,
: what and why I am selling on my website and I am satisfied that I
: have not compromised any of my values with what I do and how I seek
: to be. I never thought mine would be a popular position to take.
: Just a necessary one to take and give voice to.
: Leaving the other subject alone is a good idea. It has gone full
: circle and suddenly you just hurled it off into a product thing that
: is too big a stretch and leap for me to follow you there.
: The best we will do is agree to disagree right now...about many
: things...including my products found on EveryDay Mehndi...for the
: henna-life!
: www.everydayhenna.com/
: I couldn't resist that...:-)!!!
: Maureen


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