sounds like you're on your way to resolution...some other suggestions

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Posted by Anne Beltestad on June 14, 2002 at 15:15:57:

In reply to: a resolution to the home appointment dilemma posted by Alissa on June 14, 2002 at 13:46:25:


Sorry to hear about your "close call" with some idiots. I can
imagine this influences your, and your husband's, feelings about your
As a professional henna artist who's gone to peoples' houses alone a
number of times, and a martial artist who believes women *CAN* feel
safe alone, can judge situations beforehand, and *CAN* if worst comes
to worst defend ourselves, I was moved by your post to respond.
First of all your decision to call your husband to "check in" is
perfect. That seems like it could alone do a lot to resolve the
But before it even gets to that point, check your own "vibes" about
the client and the situation. Not the screaming loud paranoia voice,
not the fear left over from the attack (I know, I was attacked myself)
but the "still, small" voice that tells you "yes" or "no." It can be
as simple as feeling "sketched out" by someone over the phone. For
example when the Indian man at the restaurant near my school
expressed interest in my henna, at first I thought, cool! Then he
started asking me about my own comfort level coming over to someone's
house, and a yellow flag went up. When he asked me if I also
bellydance, the red flag went up and I conveyed to him that I would
henna him if his wife/mother were present, and furthermore that I
hold a brown belt in an obscure and dangerous Korean martial art...he
seemed to get the picture, and now leaves me alone.
Some men are like dogs. If they smell your fear, they're going to
mess with you. If you "walk tall" like my mom (who's 5'2") taught me,
and remember that although they may be bigger or stronger, they are
anatomically more vulnerable than you, and you (most likely) have a
lower center of gravity and stronger legs, as well as being faster by
being smaller, you can go a long way to change your outlook.
Lastly, I would strongly suggest some martial arts or self-defense
training. The confidence this gives you, the relaxation and comfort
you feel, can't be obtained anywhere else. Having training in how to
defend yourself should the need ever arise goes a long way in
preventing such situations from ever arising.
I hope this helps, and feel free to email me if you have any other
Good luck,



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