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Posted by Maureen on July 18, 2002 at 20:13:59:

In reply to: having a bad day posted by shaon on July 18, 2002 at 15:28:29:

Hi Shaon,

Can't let folks steal your joy. Other people's feedback is first and
foremost about them and not about you. That is a hard thing for
people to get. But it is true. Remember that when folks sing your
praises as well as when the sling insults and shot arrows at you. It
is about them...It is their song, their insults and their arrows.
Don't take them on and embrace them as your own.

I have found over and over again, that the more I pretzel for people,
the more they want me to bend. There are not enough knots I can
twist myself into for some folks. So I have had to learn to put up
boundaries...establish practices, policies and procedures that I
follow. These are solid and are considerate of the people I serve
and who are my customers. These are solid and are considerate of
me. You are not in business to allow yourself to be torn down by
people. If you wanted to do that for a living you would be one of
those people who sit in the swing and let people through balls at
them until they are dumped into the tank of water.

You are always in your right to let customers know that they are
allowed their opinion but that you just don't agree with it. State
you policy and let it go. You can not be in business and ever please
everyone. There is just no way. So accept that and when you run
into someone like the person you ran in to today, you will know that
you just met one of those people that you can not please. I have no
problem telling difficult people that I hope they can find someone
who can and will accommodate them better. I want the difficult
people to go to someone else. I don't mean a person with a problem
or a person with a legitimate complaint. You are in business and
have to deal with those things. But when someone won't be pleased,
you are wasting time dealing with them. They will make appointments
over and over again and either not show up or cancel at the last
minute. They will show up but think you charge too much, didn't do a
good job, want more for their money than the law allows. At those
times, you stand up straight and refuse to pretzel...draw the line
about what you will or will not do. Remember, it is your business.
Ultimately you make that final decision. The person is just trying
to get you to change your position. If you are not going to change
your position, say so. After that, what is the sense of listening to
one minute more of abuse or argument or negative commentary.

Truly, Shaon, I cannot think of one good reason to stay in a
conversation with someone who is attempting to tear me down or my
business or anything or anyone I care about. Why? What is the pay
out. Those conversations are meant to tear you down...leave you
feeling as you do. It is poison. Don't swallow it. A person can
offer it up to you. It is your decision to swallow it or not. The
power to force feed you poison, fortunately is not theirs.

So, scrape this person off you just like you got spashed with some
mud. Scrape it off. Tell yourself how accommodating you were with
this person. Tell yourself how you treated her better than she
treated you. Tell yourself that now you are going to treat yourself
as you should have been treat by her...and by yourself when you
listened to her. Then do something good for yourself today. Pamper
you the way you deserve to be pampered and treated.

Breathe her into the wind. The universe is waiting for her. Get her
out of you. And fill yourself with wonderful until you are actually
feeling good again.

Take care.



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