A Morbid Affliction of the Patience
Gryphoemia is not unique to henna artists, most people who work in service occupations are at risk for this disease. This discussion, however, will focus on Gryphoemia as is suffered by henna artists.
Pathogenesis and Pathology:
Gryphoemia is rarely ingested, though the sufferer may consider sinking their teeth into the causative organism. The transmission is most commonly through auditory and visual vectors, which pass straight into the sufferer's brain, creating fear and loathing. As the Gryphoemia escalates, the normally patient and sweet henna artist attempts to resist the increasingly intense urge to throttle the causative organisms or flee the environmental factor. This repression of these reasonable self-preservation behaviors endangers the henna artist's gentle disposition and may cause bruxism that will shatter rear molars or bring on headaches that feel like an alien is about to burst out from just over the left eyebrow. Rapidly progressing Gryphoemia magnifies the annoyance level of each causative organism and environmental factor until the afflicted person is ready to kill anything that moves.
Specific Pathogenic Organisms Causing Gryphoemia:
These pathogenic organisms are so virulent that they can precipitate an onset of rapidly escalating Gryphoemia even with brief contact:
Organisms that insist on
Symptoms and Signs:
A henna artist suffering from Gryphoemia may exhibit symptoms of:
Screaming into a cell phone
innocent and bewildered spouse.
The diagnosis of Gryphoemia may be made by consideration of clinical signs, environmental factors, the proximity of a group of causative organisms or exposure to a single pathogenic organism. Self diagnosis is common, and should be taken seriously by all bystanders. Any one who does not take seriously a Gryphoemia diagnosis may place themselves at grave risk of being included in the group of causative organisms, and summarily shredded by the sufferer.
NEVER say to a person who has self diagnosed Gryphoemia, "You're just being silly" or "You're so cute when you're angry" or "Why are you all upset about it?". The Gryphoemic may administer to the commenter a high velocity intracranial lead injection, and it would be ruled in court as justifiable.
Gryphoemia should be suspected in any henna artist who is otherwise a gentle, patient and gracious person who is found foaming at the mouth, screaming, hyperventilating, clenching fists, with constricted pupils and full body trembling at the end of a henna session. 37% of sufferers have smoke and flame billowing from cranial orofices, others merely smoulder. If the sufferer has not self diagnosed their Gryphoemia, but these clear symptoms are evident, gently lead the sufferer away from the environmental and causative organisms and hand them their favorite palliative and allow them to start screaming or swearing to relieve some of the interior cerebral pressure before their head explodes like a 1940's cartoon character.
Gryphoemia generally responds to treatment, and is rarely fatal except to the causative organisms.
The ideal prophylaxis for Gryphoemia is to avoid contact with causative organisms. However, since this amounts to never leaving one's room, prophylaxis is incompatible with having a life and earning a living. The sufferers therefore must have treatment available, much as asthmatics should always carry an inhaler.
Appropriate supportive therapy is essential to Gryphoemia treatment. Gryphoemia is successfully treated by indulgence in vice and general naughtiness.
Management of Complications:
If Gryphoemia is carefully monitored and treated as symptoms develop, the sufferer will probably not require a priest, a bail bondsman, a lawyer, an ambulence, a declaration of a national disaster area or large cash expenditures to cover repairs on damaged items and organisms.
A day's convalescence is usually sufficient to recover from ingestion of palliative substances and exuberant partying. Bubble baths and continued ingestion of double chocolate ice cream hot fudge and brownie sundaes with whipped cream and slivered almonds are highly recommended.
True Gryphoemia Stories from The Henna Page Artists!
Gryphoemia from The Henna Page Forum Archives
Do you have a True Gryphoemia Story to share?
Want to contribute to The
Gryphoemia Case Histories?
Can't find what you want
Try The Henna